Debbie Downer and Her Friends.

You remember that SNL character Debbie Downer? Everything was always pretty bleak with her. Yes, it was funny on SNL, but not in real life. Unfortunately though, we are all faced with our versions of Debbie (I apologize to anyone reading this whose name is actually Debbie... I'm sure you are probably a super nice and very upbeat person). Maybe we've even been Debbie at one point or another. Or, maybe you have a friend or relative with a chronic-complaining problem.

When I was in college and taking some sociology courses, I learned that to maintain healthy relationships, it's a good rule of thumb to use the 10:1 rule. For every one negative thing you say, you should balance it out with 10 positive things. Yes, this sounds a little difficult, and maybe it's not possible for most of us, but there's no harm in trying! Since learning this in college, I've seen similar suggestions given in books about parenting and marriage.

The thing is, people like Debbie can really get you down. They suck the life out of you. And it's even worse when it's someone who is close to you. Do you know someone who is constantly pointing out flaws and not balancing those comments with more uplifting commentary? Whether they are know-it-alls, or just have really low self-esteem, here are the types of negativity I've faced lately, and I'm still searching for a way to respond. (Please note that all names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.)

1. Negative Nelly: "Me me me, blah blah blah": This person is constantly talking about their problems. Something is always going wrong in their lives or their families. It's always about them. It's often the same thing, over and over. "My friend is back at it again. She and her husband had another argument, and I just don't know what to do. And I found out that my uncle is back in the hospital, and his wife is so annoying that there's no way I'm going up to the hospital. Then our church picnic got rained out, so someone didn't think that through. And then our roof was damaged by hail and my husband got in a fight with the insurance adjuster, so it's just one thing after another."

2. Fanny Flaw-Finder: This person is constantly talking about other people or things. They always have something negative to say about something or someone, and it is always critical. They say critical things 10 times more than positive things. "She looks ridiculous in that," or "That painting he did... I've seen much better," or "Does she think she looks good in that?!" or "That house would be perfect, except I don't like the doorknob on the back door or the porch light. And the drapes are so tacky. I don't really like the shade of beige that they painted on the walls here in the foyer. Do they really think people will pay that much for this?!"

3. Expert Edna: This person is an expert on almost everything, and they've been almost everywhere and know almost everything. "Well, I have been there several times, and I doubt they would fit in." Or, "I know the prime minister very well, and he told me..." Or, "I bought one of those when they first came out, so it is such a yawn to us now."

4. Cornelia Critical-Comparison: This person is constantly complaining about themselves. They are critical of one or more physical attributes, and they are always comparing themselves to others, and they are aware of each and every way that they (and you) just don't measure up to an unachievable Barbie-doll ideal. "I'm wearing a size 6, but I still look so fat," or "Do you think this winter coat makes me look like a cow?" Or, "My hair looks terrible today." Or, "How could anyone eat that?!" Or, "I would give anything to look like that lady on Desperate Housewives." Or, "There is no way she is a size 2!"

Since I'm not sure how to respond to these characters in my story, I have found a couple of sources that might be of some help to those of us who are at a loss for coping with this negativity.

Don't Let Comparison Steal Your Joy, from the Money Saving Mom {So great, especially for women!}

Biblical Perspectives on Negativity {Solid perspective}

Wishing us all the best of luck in these difficult situations...